My Birth Day

Hey.

My name is Genesis Ippi Carter.

I know, I know. Kind of unusual. We'll get to that. But right now, I would like to tell you a little bit about my arrival.

I spent about 40 weeks in the womb, showing up two days before my due date. I know that everyone expected me to be late--since I'm a girl--but I figured, Hey, Mommy has done this long enough.

So anyway, it was Sunday night and Daddy was using a timer to measure how long Mommy made funny faces. When the funny faces got to be about 5 minutes apart, he called the midwife. She said to give it a little longer. They gave it a little longer and Mommy started making funny faces 3 minutes apart. They called the midwife and she said to come on over.

A midwife is someone who helps make mommy’s funny faces funnier.

Around 8:00 p.m., Daddy put Mommy and me in the car and drove down Federal. Even though Mommy was experiencing “contractions,” she gave Daddy advice on his driving.

Contractions are like “I’m” and “can’t”—as in “I’m in a lot of pain” or “I can’t do this anymore.”

Mommy helped Daddy maneuver around an accident and they had to take an alternate route. This is when Daddy started making funny faces.

We got to the birthing center and tried the door. It was locked. The midwife opened a different door and said, “Hello.” Daddy then realized he was trying to go through the wrong door.

No one else was at the birthing center. It was just me, Mommy, Daddy, the midwife, and a nurse. They were very nice, except for when they told Mommy to push. She didn’t like them very much when they said that.

Mommy was predicting that I would show up on November 15^th, but I delayed about two hours past that just for funsies.

Mommy was pretty amazing. She worked really hard for hours and hours. She stayed focused and kept her sense of humor, even when she was exhausted and in a lot of pain.
Daddy drank coffee and ate crackers.

Actually he did help some—as much as daddies can in this kind of situation. He held her hand and tried to encourage Mommy, but mainly he silently felt a deep relief that he had not been born a woman.

The end result—I showed up and everyone laughed and smiled at me. I cried. Eventually I was happy and sleepy. My personal goal is to achieve all seven of the dwarves by the end of next week.

So here I am. I’m resting at home by the fire. I like this place better than my first place. That place was pretty humid and plus—I was upside down. This new place is much roomier and it comes with several servants.

So—just wanted to say hello. I hear tomorrow there’s going to be a big blizzard.
I’m thinking I should have waited one more day and made a more dramatic entrance on “a dark and stormy night.”

Mommy and Daddy said they’re very glad I didn’t.